Friday, 17 April 2009

Finding a bog on the Shankill

1997 - It was on a hot summer day when I stopped a busy local store on the Shankill Road, deperately needing to use a lavatory...

I discretely asked the girl behind the counter, "Excuse me, do you have a toilet in here?" in an almost whispered voice.

"Kentucky down the road!" she said in a loud broad Belfast accent.

A cryptic answer but I knew she was trying to tell me, "No, we don't have a toilet in here however there is one in the Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant not far from here."

"Thank You" I replied and began walking towards the door.

The girl suddenly yelled across the packed shop to me;


I completely froze in horror at both the shrill skwak of her voice and her straight-between-the-eyes vulgarity. I attempted to get out of the store without anyone reaslising it was me she was shouting at. Was this girl expecting me to yell back an answer to her lavatorial question across a crowded shop?

I could have answered "I NEED TO DO A SHITE ACTUALLY!" however I digressed.

As I was going out the door she yelled again “IF IT’S ONLY A PISH YOU WANT, YOU CAN GO ‘ROUND THE BACK OF THE CAR WASH!

A store full of customers looked at each other with a "She's not talking to me!" glare on their faces. Meanwhile I quickly crept out of the store with head down and headed off into the sunset...

Wow! That girl had style